Its been a while since I’ve written anything long form that wasn’t work related or journalling and can I just say…. I really missed it.
I’ve been trying to grow my social channels, so short form content and captions have filled up my time, but there’s something about sitting down and putting “pen to paper” or in this case “fingers to keyboard” and letting the thoughts simply come to me to share with you. If I’m being 100% honest, I can’t remember the last blog I wrote. I’ve got so many half written drafts and I felt paralyzed on what to write.
So instead of coming back here pretending I haven’t written in *cough* years, I felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit to simply… write. Maybe this will help you, inspire you, challenge you or just help you feel less alone. Whatever these words do for you, friend, I pray that they bless you.
Okay… let’s start.
My name is Kaitlyn Smith-Chisolm. The Chisolm is new! I got married to my best friend Leonard two Septmebers ago on a beautifully humid day in Twiggs County, Georgia. It was the simple, sweet, Southern day we’ve dreamt of and one of my favorite days. I’m still working in corporate marketing and I’m slowly developing stronger boundaries. I’m in therapy, and its great that I can pay someone to hear me ramble about the state of the world, my role in it, my family, my thoughts, my Black womanhood experience and cry over children’s books.
At the end of last year, after weighing in at my heaviest I decided to finally take control. I’ve been working with my doctor on a weight loss plan and I’m down 40lbs and counting. One day I might share more about it, but for right now its something that I’m keeping closer to my chest. A dear friend of mine (thanks God for bringing us together through the ‘gram) really inspired me to prioritize my health. God knew I needed her example, and I’m so thankful for it.
There’s a quote I read that said something along the lines of “returning to the things you love as a child is coming home to yourself”, and that feels really really accurate for me these days. As a kid I had dreams of becoming the first Black woman on the Supreme Court (thank God that’s not a dream anymore– hello Justice Jackson), spent hours redecorating my room and loved to talk to anyone who would listen. Now that looks like staying up to date on current news, sharing my hottakes in the family group chat and thinking deeply about interior design and curation.
I’m still figuring out how to use my voice. I observed an experience and advocated for someone else. It was scary, but so rewarding. I don’t know how but as I enter my next decade, I want to do that more. I’m an aunt now to two non biological babies, and they’re the absolute best. One had her first dance recital and the other is hopefully going to take their first steps very, very soon. Leo and I love being auntie Kait and uncle Leo right now, our friend’s kids are the light of our lives and all we can think about is how we make the world a better place for them, God willing.
I still teach children’s church (now with my husband as my co-teacher), I still love putting together outfits and baking for the people I love. I still talk to my parents everyday, watch period dramas, think deeply about the past– and the future– sometimes to my own detriment. I still listen to JoJo and watch reality TV. I still love getting lost in the shops. I still love a good spa day and lunch out. I’m still a Southern, preppy girl. I still feel bad about not reading the Bible enough but I talk to God all the time. I still cry at the drop of a hat. I still think about the children I don’t have all the time. I still watch and rewatch the same TV shows because I like the predictability. I’m still afraid of disappointing my parents and not making the most out of my one, beautiful life. I still think about my legacy.
I’m hopeful.
I’m terrified.
I feel like I have all the time in the world and none at all at the same time.
I still feel all the things, everyday. My husband loves me for it still.
So there you have it, part introspective part update part monologue. Don’t worry, I’m still going to bring my tastemaker energy to this space but with a little less perfection and a lot more punch.
Yours,
Kait
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